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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263301">Alcohol May Not Solve Your Problems But Neither Will Water</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalbanana/pseuds/magicalbanana'>magicalbanana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama, Gintama Class 3-Z</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Class 3-Z Ginpachi-sensei, Crack, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:02:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalbanana/pseuds/magicalbanana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zenzou is a boomer. Sakamoto is an influencer. Ginpachi had it hard. But really it's all about Zenzou and his credit card.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Catherine/Hattori Zenzou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Alcohol May Not Solve Your Problems But Neither Will Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is me and my attempt at writing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a Friday afternoon and everyone was so excited to call it a day. The students are all busy counting the minutes left before the most beloved bell rings.</p><p>*Tic Toc Tic Toc</p><p>Hattori-sen sighed as he noticed none of his students are paying him attention as everyone seems so enthralled by the floor, windows and ceiling, anywhere but the green board.</p><p>Taking another deep breath Hattori-sen cleared his throat to get his students' attention when unfortunately the bell starts to ring.</p><p>"So class don't forget to—"<em>your assignments.</em></p><p>He stopped as he noticed most of his students were taking photos of the green board while others are sharing <em>something</em> on their smartphones.</p><p>He sighed again for the third time.</p><p>-o0o-</p><p>Dropping his butt on his swivel chair Hattori rubbed his eyes as a surge of pain started to occur.</p><p>"Ugh! Kids these days!" He complained to no one in particular.</p><p>"What about them?" – Sakamoto-sen asked as he came out under his table. God knows why.</p><p>"Kids these days, they tend to rely much on technology. I won't be surprised if 20 years from now they'll forget how to use a pen." He replied as he contemplated that living in the countryside was a far better choice. Teaching kids the art of becoming ninjas was his former job but as time changed kids got lazier. They all still wanted to become like Naru*o but through their phone screens. <em>Damn that BAND*I!</em></p><p>"You know there's nothing wrong w/ technology.</p><p>*snap*</p><p>
  <strong>This guy right here is so OUTDATED. Anyone wanna help and take him OUT on a DATE? Get it get it? Out-Date AHAHAHAHA Meet us @PlacesYourMamaDoesn'tHaveToKnow #immagenius #sakaMOTTO #tgif #tatsugram</strong>
</p><p>*post*</p><p>"Ugh! I need a drink."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yarunara <strong><em>ima shikane</em></strong> '<strong><em>ZURA</em></strong>'!Yarunara <strong><em>ima shikane~</em></strong>♪♫</p><p>"Damn, music these days are so different."</p><p>
  <strong> <em>ZURA!~♪♫</em> </strong>
</p><p>"Artists these days are so different. Who sings w/ a duck mascot?" Ginpachi said as he snatches Hattori's drink announcing his arrival.</p><p>
  <em>Jōi ga joy! Jōi ga joy!~♪♫</em>
</p><p>"Hey, what took you so long? Don't tell me you had a date with that brunette again. How many times do I have to tell you that if the board finds out you're-"</p><p>
  <em>Jōi ga joy! Jōi ga joy!~♪♫</em>
</p><p>"Oi! This is why I told you to stop buying shoujou mangas. I was just helping her brother with some errands."</p><p>"See? You even meet the family!"</p><p>"He's my student too, stupid! Anyway, where's the idiot (Sakamoto)?"</p><p>"Home. Turns out he lied to Mutsu again but was caught because he posted a photo on the internet. As expected from- Hey are you even listening?"</p><p>"Shimura?"</p><p>"You had it hard didn't you?" He said but was ignored as the silver perm stood and started to walk towards the stage and eventually disappears along the crowd.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>Are you still even human?~♪♫</em>
</p><p>"So... Why the long face? Got stood up? Rejected?" Said a woman.</p><p>
  <em>Your mother is an XXX!~♪♫</em>
</p><p>"Well kinda but not like that. It's complicated." He replied not minding her.</p><p>
  <em>Are you still even human?~♪♫</em>
</p><p>"I have time." She replied and Hattori straightened his back and paid a glance at the woman. She is…. <em>beautiful</em>. Well in his standards. She had a short length haircut with cat ears, she looks foreign. He blinks as the woman cocked her head to the side prompting him to start his story. <em>God, was he staring that long?</em></p><p>
  <em>Your mother is an XXX!~♪♫</em>
</p><p>Clearing his throat he started elaborating how his day had started. "Well you see..."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Oh, so you're a teacher. I didn't take you as one. You seem like a..."</p><p>"A what?"</p><p>"A lonely man, who needs a good company."</p><p>"Tss. So you think you're a good company?"</p><p>"Well basing as you haven't excuse yourself yet, I say I am."</p><p>"How about you, what do you do?"</p><p>"I'm a connoisseur."</p><p>"Oh, I didn't expect that. You look like..."</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>"A good company."</p><p>He was shocked as how smooth he sounded like. The shoujo mangas have really paid off. <em>Screw you Ginpachi! </em></p><p>And she laughs. A very cute laugh and Zenzou's world stops. <em>God, she really is beautiful.</em></p><p>
  <em> <strong>*Ring a ding dong ring a ding ding dong*</strong> </em>
</p><p>"You know what, I'm just gonna take this call. I'll be right back."</p><p>Zenzou clears his throat as the lady, <em>What was her name again?— </em>excused herself to take the call, Hattori was left contemplating on the events that has happened today. It turns out it doesn't seem so bad at all. <em>She doesn't seem so bad at all</em>. And maybe, if she allows, he'd like to keep her company.</p><p>Hattori was pulled back to Earth when somebody pats his arm. <em>Oh she's back</em>. He smiled before turning to his side only to turn it into a frown quickly as a transvestite buff man greeted him.</p><p>"Thanks handsome for the night." Said the okama and was followed by a few guys wearing colorful kimonos.</p><p><em>That was weird.</em><em><br/><br/></em><br/>Looking at his watch he sighed. <em>Maybe that call was an emergency. But will I ever see her again? I hope so.</em><em><br/></em><br/><br/>He called the bartender and asked for his bill and jaw dropped when he saw the digits.</p><p><strong>"WHAT THE?"</strong> He shrieked while staring at the bartender.</p><p>"The lady you were talking to earlier said to charge it to your account. I heard you said she was a company."</p><p>"But this big—"</p><p>"And it seems like you're cozy with her friends too."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>And then it hit him, <em>that okama</em>.</p><p>Pulling out his credit card with reluctance, Hattori sighed for the nth time.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe it's a good idea that they'll never meet again.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>END</strong>
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